🐻 My Mama Bear Came Out

I dealt with some conflict this morning. I won’t share the details because my purpose isn’t to shame her. But I challenged someone who has a history of sharing private information about children in our community - some with high needs - whom she had access to in her work. 

People gossip. I get it. I’m not immune. Historically women have gossiped as a way to share information about potential threats to the community. But when it’s used as a form of relational aggression, it goes well beyond that. 

I don’t want to bond by tearing down others, especially children. Dehumanizing others has become so normalized it’s hard to take a step back anymore and see it for what it is. Yes, we’re human and imperfect. But we have to hone our ability to listen to our own system so we can recognize when we’re being pulled out of integrity. 

This doesn’t mean we need to “cancel” everybody. In fact, when we have the ability to experience ruptures in our relationships and do the difficult work to repair them, we don’t have to go to such extremes. 

If we want safe, nourishing and uplifting relationships, we have to be clear on our values and embody them. If we want to build community, we need the courage to challenge the behaviors that disrupt it. We have to be able to physiologically hold steady to do it, even when it means uncomfortable conversations and being disliked. If we want to create the Village, we especially have to Mama Bear when the time comes. We don’t just mother our own kids. We see all kids as worthy of mothering and we hold the circle.

I’ll be sharing more about how to hold steady in our mothering in a new workshop I’ll be offering next month, “Mothering Boys & The Nervous System: Raising Healthy Sons in a Chaotic World.”

Registration opens soon!