Heated Rivalry, The Female Nervous System, Trauma & Eros

There’s been so much discourse around why the show Heated Rivalry has so intensely affected people, especially women.* But there’s an angle I haven’t seen talked about yet. It has to do with safety, shutdown and dissociation, our pelvises, and the erotic. 

The foundation of a woman’s health is in her pelvis. Our life force - our creative and procreative energy - is rooted there. In a woman’s body, our nervous system is directly connected to our pelvis and pelvic organs. 

People think of stress as “fight or flight” (the sympathetic branch of the nervous system). But when we can’t fight or flee, our body can get even more stressed, leading to more parasympathetic activation - freeze or collapse, which is usually characterized by numbing and dissociation. Think of the bunny realizing there’s a predator. At first, she’ll run (flight/sympathetic). But when she can’t run from the wolf anymore, she’ll freeze, collapse, and her body will be flooded with numbing endorphins so she doesn’t feel. She dissociates. This is the parasympathetic shutdown the body does to preserve energy for survival. 

When we experience boundary ruptures, especially related to our pelvises through sex, childbirth, etc., one common response is to shut down, numb and dissociate. In my practice and in my personal life, it’s so clear how many women are in a state of this freeze and dissociation when it comes to sex and their pelvic connection. 

It also takes women 40 mins to reach full sexual arousal, so even if there isn’t any trauma, many women simply aren’t having the kind of sex they want to have, or even know they could have, because there isn’t the awareness of our female body design. We need the slow burn to reach full throttle. 

To repair and reconnect to our erotic, creative life force, we need to get back into our bodies. One essential and powerful practice for this is to bring awareness back to the sensations and emotions in our body, in a titrated (slow, incremental) way that doesn’t feel overwhelming (ie. feel like threat).

So let’s talk about what Heated Rivalry is offering so many women. 

As women, we’re not mirrored in the relationship so we’re less likely to project. This allows for a relative sense of safety. Gender roles and our own relationship challenges don’t get injected into the experience of the story. 

The main characters we’re looking at are two incredibly beautiful men. What does that feel like in your body? Where do you feel it? What sensations and emotions are you aware of?

We see realistic sex. What does that feel like in your body? Where do you feel it? What sensations and emotions are you aware of?

We see yearning, vulnerability, and men working through their emotional experiences together, something we don’t often see on screen or in real life. What does that feel like in your body? Where do you feel it? What sensations and emotions are you aware of?

What we’re watching challenges the “norm” of what’s being created for tv and film lately, and the men are also challenging societal norms through their relationship. What does that feel like in your body? Where do you feel it? What sensations and emotions are you aware of?

I see all over social media women saying how they’re rediscovering their sex drive, their desire for connection and intimacy, their aliveness, their need for more touch and pleasure in their lives. They want to express themselves, dance and create in ways that had previously felt incredibly shut down, and are attributing at least some of it to watching this show.

Art helps us reconnect to our humanness. And you don’t have to lose what’s been opened up or wait until next season to feel it again. You can continue feeling more alive right now. But the key is to bring this into your real, lived experience, to be present to what’s happening in your body. If we just stay on the screen we risk staying in that parasympathetic state because watching screens is inherently parasympathetic. We have to move, connect, create and honor our bodies too.  

In a time when we’re living from the neck up, in a world where separation and division are being stoked by those in power, and the zone is being “flooded” to push us into parasympathetic overwhelm, apathy and shutdown, continuing to explore this in your own body and life is actually revolutionary. And it’s the medicine the world needs most right now. 

Did you watch the show? If you did, I’d love for you to message me and share how it’s been affecting you. 

Much love, 

Courtney

(P.S. I just announced that I’m offering Vedic Astrology and Ayurvedic/Somatic 1:1 Sessions this winter, something that I usually only offer in my coaching packages. You can use these links to learn more and schedule.)

(P.P.S. *I fully understand that men and non-binary people have also been intensely affected by this show, and also have experienced trauma and boundary ruptures. I work in women’s health so I’m speaking to my expertise. This is not to erase or negate anyone’s experience. It’s more about me speaking specifically to what I know and witness in my practice.)